Independence Day 2023

Classic Thoughts Re-Written for the Modern Patriot

Any man with any measure of heroism in his blood who actually reads the texts and speeches of our Founders cannot help but to feel the call to pick up his musket and fight Britain. Moreover, the tyrannies endured by our ancestors seem almost trivial in comparison to the daily villainies perpetrated on their descendants by those who purport to rule them; shouldn’t the urgency of action be all the greater? And yet…

Perhaps I should clarify: Any man or woman who can actually read the texts and speeches cannot but help to feel the call to action. But today almost no one can actually read them. The Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level of Patrick Henry’s “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” speech is 11th grade; of the Declaration of Independence, 12th grade; of the U.S. Constitution, 18th grade.

According to the National Assessment of Adult Literacy, 57% of Americans have a reading grade below 9th level, and 13% have a reading grade below 5th level. Only 13% can understand the Declaration or Patrick Henry’s speech, and virtually none can understand the Constitution. And that includes all Americans. Among Generation Z, it’s far worse. They are the least literate generation in American history.

Spend a few minutes on YouTube watching our young people be interviewed on the most basic matters of our history and values. They do not know anything of the good, the true, and the beautiful; and even if they wanted to, they could not learn it because the texts are inaccessible to them. Far too many have been cognitively crippled.

If we are to properly motivate the masses, we must speak the language of the masses.

I am called to action. I have spent weeks immersing myself in the Gen Z gathering hall known as “TikTok.” Today, on the 4th of July, I present our finest patriotic texts in a style that will speak to the young men and women of today. Check ‘em out, fam.

The Declaration of Independence

Aight, so check this, when peeps decide to dip from the squad and do their own thing, it's only fair they spit some facts about why they're peacing out. It's just how it is, you know? We all believe some truths are just straight-up, like we're all equal, and our Creator gave us some dope rights, like life, freedom, and chasing what makes us happy.

And if the government isn't vibing with that, then we've got the right to switch it up and set up something new that'll keep us secure. That's just keeping it real. But when a long list of whack stuff happens, it's not about being salty; it's just time to bounce and do what's gotta be done. And that's where we're at with the British Crown. So, here's the tea.

Like, we're not about to ghost without giving the full deets. Let's get into it, shall we? We've been super patient and chill, trying to work stuff out with the British king. But he's been on a total power trip, acting like a toxic friend that just won't quit.

He's put laws on us that are totally unfair, messed with our courts, and has been all up in our business, trying to control our lives and telling us what to do.

And it's not like we haven't tried to talk it out. We've been sending the king all these messages, trying to get him to understand our side of things. But he's been ghosting us, ignoring our probs, and acting like everything's all gucci when it's totally not. It's obvious he's just trying to flex and show his power, and we're over it.

So, we're taking a stand and cutting ties. We're saying 'bye, Felicia' to the king and declaring ourselves as free and independent states. We'll make our own alliances, trade with who we want, and fight our own battles. We're going to stand up for each other and do everything that free countries do because that's what we are.

We're fully aware that this is a major step, so we're not going to do it without some serious thought. We respect the connections we've had with Britain, and we're not looking to cut ties unless it's absolutely necessary. But they've forced our hand, and we need to do what's best for us.

With a clear conscience and with respect to the opinions of humanity, we're putting it all on the line. We're entrusting our cause to the universe and its divine law. We're ready to face the consequences and stand up for what we believe.

In other words, it's on, fam. We're doing this. We're declaring independence.

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death

Do we really need all these troops and warships for a love and reconciliation gig? Haven't we been chill enough to make peace, or do they gotta flex their muscle to win back our vibe? Don't kid yourself, fam. This is all about power and control, the final say for those in the high castle.

I gotta ask, peeps, why all this military showoff if not to make us kneel? What else could it be for? Does Britain have any beef with anyone around here to justify all this military overkill? Nah, bro, there's none. It's all about us. They're prepping these chains the Brit government's been crafting for ages.

What's our move? Do we try to out-talk them? We've been doing that for a solid decade. Got any fresh takes? Nah, nothing. We've explored this from all angles, all for nothing. Do we beg and plead? What else can we say that hasn't been said already?

Please, fam, let's be real. We've done all we could to dodge this incoming storm. We've filed petitions, we've protested, we've pleaded, we've basically thrown ourselves at the king's feet, begging him to stop the savage acts of the government and Parliament. Our pleas have been ignored, our protests only made them more aggressive, our pleas fell on deaf ears, and we've been kicked aside with nothing but contempt. After all this, dreaming of peace and reconciliation is pointless.

Hope has left the chat.

If we want freedom, if we intend to keep the valuable privileges we've been fighting for, if we don't plan on ditching this epic fight we've been in, and swore never to quit till we win, we gotta fight!

I say it again, we gotta fight! Calling on our weapons and the big guy upstairs is all we've got left!

They're saying we're weak; can't handle an enemy this tough. But when will we be stronger? Next week? Next year? When we've got no defenses left and a British soldier's snooping around every house? Does doing nothing and procrastinating make us stronger? Will we gain the power to resist by just lying down and hugging false hopes, till our enemies chain us up?

Nah, we're not weak if we use what nature's given us right. Three million folks, armed for the holy cause of freedom, in a country like ours, can't be defeated by whatever our enemies throw at us.

Plus, we won't be fighting alone. There's a just God looking over nations' fates; He'll bring allies to fight with us. The victory ain't just for the strong; it's for the vigilant, the active, the brave.

Plus, we've got no choice. Even if we were cowardly enough to want it, it's too late to back down now. There's no going back unless we surrender and become slaves! Our chains are ready! You can hear 'em in Boston! War's coming and let it come! I say it again, let it come.

We can't sugarcoat this, fam. Some may shout, "Peace, Peace" but there's no peace. War's already here! The next chill from the north will carry the sound of clashing arms! Our brothers are already out there!

Why are we just standing around? What do y'all want? What's the deal? Is life that precious, or peace that cool, that we'd buy it with chains and slavery?

Nah, not on my watch, Almighty God! I don't know what others will do; but for me, it's either freedom or it's game over!

Happy Independence Day from the Contemplator on the Tree of Woe!