I wrote this earlier this afternoon and published it just in time for reports of today's terror attack to reach my feed. Publishing a humorous article feels mistimed but so it goes. I hope you enjoy the light-hearted exploration of Reticulan xenosociology.
The Reticulans said I don't know what I'm talking about. They also said the moon is a space station. I'm just going to agree so they don't dematerialize me with their space warp modulator.
I believe the Reticulans are counting by number of Planetoids from the central star- that is, of bodies made spherical by their own gravity.
By that definition, the count would be Sol I(Mercury), Sol II(Venus), Earth & Luna, than continuing with Sol V(Mars) all the way out to the outer Solar System.
We cannot be the only Planet/Large Moon combination out there, so if their Tiebreaker for an identical orbit is "Largest Body First" than Earth would be Sol III and Luna(The Moon) would be Sol IV... but if it's by orbit proximity to the central star(Outermost Moon first) than Luna would be Sol III and Earth Sol IV, since Luna is closer to the sun 50% of the time.
This was not the only explanation that I recognized, merely the one that needed the least number of assumptions. In the interest of scholarship, I will list the others for your amusement and their records.
1. Perhaps their numbering system has changed since Earth was discovered, similar to the reclassification of Pluto.
2. Perhaps Earth was in fact the fourth planet at the time of survey, with the 'extra' planet being a since-departed Rogue Planet or a real(since disintegrated) planet Vulcan.
3. Perhaps it is a cultural artifact, like the Caribbean being called the "West Indies" that is simply lost in translation.
4. Perhaps the count is from "Sol II", with "Sol I" reserved as the name or callsign for the logistical hub or primary sensor node for the System, similar to our Aircraft Carriers and Antarctic Research Icebreakers.
5. Finally(and most embarrassingly), there is a chance that the initial survey of the Solar System counted 4 planets where there were only 3, and that Sol IV cannot be redesignated because planet designations hold a similar root-level role for research databases as Unix-Time does for Terran computers.
The Reticulans clearly take a very long term multi-generational view. The part they may be missing is that HS01 used to share that long-term view, but in recent times has abandoned it.
Ancient civilizations are largely known through the close attention they paid to their dead -- most dramatically in the Pyramids of Ancient Egypt, but analogous expensive treatment of the dead can be found in all continents. Now HS01 burns the bodies of their dead and the ashes are thrown away with no markers. Within recent generations, children would be named after parents or grandparents; now they are named after currently-popular media figures.
A major challenge for Accipeter is to identify what factors caused such a dramatic loss of interest by HS01 in both the past & the future, and to assess if there is any way to reverse those changes.
Complexity and the abundance of choice overwhelm our cognitive abilities. When life was simpler, requiring more physical labor and far less complex decision making, people devoted more of their excess mental capacity to non-material concerns. Today, modern life is so complex that we cannot even comprehend it, let alone master it. It consumes all of our cognitive abilities. To our assuage our feelings of helplessness, we spend inordinate amounts of time pursuing mindless entertainment, the more mindless the better. Seeking agency and fulfillment within this complex system is not only a fruitless pursuit, it's a detrimental one. We did not evolve to handle such a system.
OK. I accept that someone would want to do some serious drinking with serious liquids this time of year, so a bit of latitude is in order. Just don't make a habit of it. I beg of you.
Species HS01? May God have some mercy, not on you on us.
Dear Reticulan Rapporteur, we of the Aldebaran Council of Interspecies Integration would like to extend our warmest congratulations for the extensive effort you and your Reticulan species have invested in this report. However, We also wish to convey a concern with which we may find ourselves in direct species divergence. As your office may know, it is incumbent upon a species evolution procedure that when extreme forms of intelligence disparity occur, speciation ensues. This particular issue is an evolutionary inevitability implying that at convergence junctions of sudden and dramatic upscale of intelligence, such as said species (HS01 in your parlance) currently experiences, bio-reproduction is no longer the best or most recommended path of expansion.
Allowing for the discrepancy in species and extrapolating from propagation methods in the last episode of pan-galactic migrations, we propose a slightly different approach: physiological boundaries are released and subsequently retransmitted via technological and biotechnological means.
Superior minorities with extraordinary capability and the promise of expansion in foundational intelligence must be promoted if the species in question is to be taken into consideration for sentient/sapient grade 1.2.
We, of Aldebaran, find no fault in the logic of the analysis in question; we do, such as we believe you maintain as well, appreciate that species HSO1may at some undefined future point become of interest to our common goal of intelligence/conscious- aware expansion of aesthetics in the universe of time.
But the most hard-hitting and science-minded conspiracy theories recognize the reality of the situation: America is actually being invaded by aliens who fly advanced gravity-manipulating spacecraft based on Heim Theory. These aliens (which hail from Zeti Reticuli) will be fully revealed to the US population in 2025
If this happens, I won't be surprised. I've heard about the Zeti Reticulians since about 1987 when UFO researchers discussed them on Coast to Coast AM.
I thought you were describing Earth, but Sol IV is Mars. So, is this what led to Mars becoming a desert world?
By the way, what does your Reticulan friend think about the Pleiadian Nordics?
I've always wondered if we need to consider if women and men deserve their own life paths rather than a shared one? Women hit their peak as marriage material at 21/22 but men don't hit that until they have some financial stability and success, say 25-30.
Like this article. Always fun to use a story to get ideas across rather than just spell it out.
Some alien races have abducted humans to learn our reproductive habits.
One has kept a mating pair, in the hopes of preserving the species in a controlled environment on their own planet. They refer to this mated pair as “Adam” and “Eve”, having studied human history and theology.
Humans have a different name for the pair: “Elvis” and “Bigfoot”…..
Thanks to a stroke of premonition I left North America many many years ago, thanks to which I'm largely shielded from the phantasmagoria that inhabits the American mind, at least in daily interactions.
In my neck of the woods, guys and girls simply get the hots for one another in the old-fashioned, tried and true manner, then sooner or later fuck, and thus produce children. And like this, life goes round and round. People have no need to analyze and engineer their sexual behavior through the prism of batshit crazy ramblings.
Fucking people have succumbed to the idea that because they've been capable to develop some basic mechanistic technologies that do this, that, and the other fucking thing, they can apply the same approach to all other areas of existence, such as the various aspects of biology. Like analyze, develop a 'technology', and apply it to 'fix' what the two legged, or bi-pedal, idiots consider broken.
Fuck that already!
The more bi-pedal cretins have been trying to fix or improve things, the more they're fucked up.
As someone with over a handful of children, I eagerly await the coming social and economical bumps coming forth from the experiments put forth by our Reticulan overlords.
When there’s enough evidence that one wonders whether every one of them is either retarded, on someone’s pay, part of a giant conspiracy, or all of the above - I’d have to agree.
I wrote this earlier this afternoon and published it just in time for reports of today's terror attack to reach my feed. Publishing a humorous article feels mistimed but so it goes. I hope you enjoy the light-hearted exploration of Reticulan xenosociology.
This article is 🤩 so don’t apologize Pater!
Agree, it’s a fun way to look ourselves and its correlations with current events are not relevant given the playful nature of the content.
Earth is Sol III, not Sol IV. Sol IV is mars.
The Reticulans said I don't know what I'm talking about. They also said the moon is a space station. I'm just going to agree so they don't dematerialize me with their space warp modulator.
"They also said the moon is a space station."
...We live in the Mutineers Moon universe.
This explains so much.
....That's what you think. Our coming Reticulan overlords obviously know better.
Haven't you heard about Counter-Earth, also known as Antichthon or Gore?
It's official: we are in the Gore universe.
You are correct. Counter earth is Gor, and we are Gore. If we were in Gor, there would no couch potatoes and the women would be much hotter.
I will need to carefully study the source material and revert back to you :D
I believe the Reticulans are counting by number of Planetoids from the central star- that is, of bodies made spherical by their own gravity.
By that definition, the count would be Sol I(Mercury), Sol II(Venus), Earth & Luna, than continuing with Sol V(Mars) all the way out to the outer Solar System.
We cannot be the only Planet/Large Moon combination out there, so if their Tiebreaker for an identical orbit is "Largest Body First" than Earth would be Sol III and Luna(The Moon) would be Sol IV... but if it's by orbit proximity to the central star(Outermost Moon first) than Luna would be Sol III and Earth Sol IV, since Luna is closer to the sun 50% of the time.
That makes so much sense. They will likely include you in their breeding program for this insight.
Thanks!
This was not the only explanation that I recognized, merely the one that needed the least number of assumptions. In the interest of scholarship, I will list the others for your amusement and their records.
1. Perhaps their numbering system has changed since Earth was discovered, similar to the reclassification of Pluto.
2. Perhaps Earth was in fact the fourth planet at the time of survey, with the 'extra' planet being a since-departed Rogue Planet or a real(since disintegrated) planet Vulcan.
3. Perhaps it is a cultural artifact, like the Caribbean being called the "West Indies" that is simply lost in translation.
4. Perhaps the count is from "Sol II", with "Sol I" reserved as the name or callsign for the logistical hub or primary sensor node for the System, similar to our Aircraft Carriers and Antarctic Research Icebreakers.
5. Finally(and most embarrassingly), there is a chance that the initial survey of the Solar System counted 4 planets where there were only 3, and that Sol IV cannot be redesignated because planet designations hold a similar root-level role for research databases as Unix-Time does for Terran computers.
Clearly I need to ask the Reticulans to help me with more articles.
Breeding program access confirmed!
The Reticulans clearly take a very long term multi-generational view. The part they may be missing is that HS01 used to share that long-term view, but in recent times has abandoned it.
Ancient civilizations are largely known through the close attention they paid to their dead -- most dramatically in the Pyramids of Ancient Egypt, but analogous expensive treatment of the dead can be found in all continents. Now HS01 burns the bodies of their dead and the ashes are thrown away with no markers. Within recent generations, children would be named after parents or grandparents; now they are named after currently-popular media figures.
A major challenge for Accipeter is to identify what factors caused such a dramatic loss of interest by HS01 in both the past & the future, and to assess if there is any way to reverse those changes.
I will be sure to relay this to him. I'm confident he reads this blog!
Complexity and the abundance of choice overwhelm our cognitive abilities. When life was simpler, requiring more physical labor and far less complex decision making, people devoted more of their excess mental capacity to non-material concerns. Today, modern life is so complex that we cannot even comprehend it, let alone master it. It consumes all of our cognitive abilities. To our assuage our feelings of helplessness, we spend inordinate amounts of time pursuing mindless entertainment, the more mindless the better. Seeking agency and fulfillment within this complex system is not only a fruitless pursuit, it's a detrimental one. We did not evolve to handle such a system.
OK. I accept that someone would want to do some serious drinking with serious liquids this time of year, so a bit of latitude is in order. Just don't make a habit of it. I beg of you.
Species HS01? May God have some mercy, not on you on us.
I blame the egg nog.
The analysis was fine. It's that Reticulan verbosity that almost prevented me from finishing it. Is that some sort of Reticulan intelligence filter?
They refused to edit their work for our semi-sapient minds!
Ah, so it IS an intelligence filter.
I read EVERY word.
(It’s the first choice, civilian drones are now allowed to fly at night, right?…)
Totally!
That's what the Reticulans WANT you to believe.
Dear Reticulan Rapporteur, we of the Aldebaran Council of Interspecies Integration would like to extend our warmest congratulations for the extensive effort you and your Reticulan species have invested in this report. However, We also wish to convey a concern with which we may find ourselves in direct species divergence. As your office may know, it is incumbent upon a species evolution procedure that when extreme forms of intelligence disparity occur, speciation ensues. This particular issue is an evolutionary inevitability implying that at convergence junctions of sudden and dramatic upscale of intelligence, such as said species (HS01 in your parlance) currently experiences, bio-reproduction is no longer the best or most recommended path of expansion.
Allowing for the discrepancy in species and extrapolating from propagation methods in the last episode of pan-galactic migrations, we propose a slightly different approach: physiological boundaries are released and subsequently retransmitted via technological and biotechnological means.
Superior minorities with extraordinary capability and the promise of expansion in foundational intelligence must be promoted if the species in question is to be taken into consideration for sentient/sapient grade 1.2.
We, of Aldebaran, find no fault in the logic of the analysis in question; we do, such as we believe you maintain as well, appreciate that species HSO1may at some undefined future point become of interest to our common goal of intelligence/conscious- aware expansion of aesthetics in the universe of time.
If this is a typical Reticulan conversation, their poetry must be on par with the Vogons.
Don't make me ask Accipiter for Zeticulan poetry samples!
English Lords eat Irish babies and satire never goes out of style.
I knew it all along. I've said a few time in the comments and to those close to me that the next global emergency would be a space alien invasion.
But the most hard-hitting and science-minded conspiracy theories recognize the reality of the situation: America is actually being invaded by aliens who fly advanced gravity-manipulating spacecraft based on Heim Theory. These aliens (which hail from Zeti Reticuli) will be fully revealed to the US population in 2025
If this happens, I won't be surprised. I've heard about the Zeti Reticulians since about 1987 when UFO researchers discussed them on Coast to Coast AM.
I thought you were describing Earth, but Sol IV is Mars. So, is this what led to Mars becoming a desert world?
By the way, what does your Reticulan friend think about the Pleiadian Nordics?
I asked Accipiter and he said "bro those bitches are SO fire fr"
Unfortunately Accipiter is currently in deep cover as a Gen Z influencer.
Regarding Sol IV, I'm not sure what to tell you. The Reticulans insist they're correct.
I've always wondered if we need to consider if women and men deserve their own life paths rather than a shared one? Women hit their peak as marriage material at 21/22 but men don't hit that until they have some financial stability and success, say 25-30.
Like this article. Always fun to use a story to get ideas across rather than just spell it out.
Some alien races have abducted humans to learn our reproductive habits.
One has kept a mating pair, in the hopes of preserving the species in a controlled environment on their own planet. They refer to this mated pair as “Adam” and “Eve”, having studied human history and theology.
Humans have a different name for the pair: “Elvis” and “Bigfoot”…..
I see that you've been in contact with them as well!
Thanks to a stroke of premonition I left North America many many years ago, thanks to which I'm largely shielded from the phantasmagoria that inhabits the American mind, at least in daily interactions.
In my neck of the woods, guys and girls simply get the hots for one another in the old-fashioned, tried and true manner, then sooner or later fuck, and thus produce children. And like this, life goes round and round. People have no need to analyze and engineer their sexual behavior through the prism of batshit crazy ramblings.
Fucking people have succumbed to the idea that because they've been capable to develop some basic mechanistic technologies that do this, that, and the other fucking thing, they can apply the same approach to all other areas of existence, such as the various aspects of biology. Like analyze, develop a 'technology', and apply it to 'fix' what the two legged, or bi-pedal, idiots consider broken.
Fuck that already!
The more bi-pedal cretins have been trying to fix or improve things, the more they're fucked up.
As someone with over a handful of children, I eagerly await the coming social and economical bumps coming forth from the experiments put forth by our Reticulan overlords.
They can hardly do worse then our current overlords!
When there’s enough evidence that one wonders whether every one of them is either retarded, on someone’s pay, part of a giant conspiracy, or all of the above - I’d have to agree.
The gptese is strong with your alien friend.
Please discontinue my subscription!