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Fabius Minarchus's avatar

Perhaps the stories of the Zen masters provide examples of Level 5+.

Professor (Level 3): What we call Reality is just Consensus Fiction.

Zen Master (5+) [smacks professor with a large salmon] That was a pillow.

and then the professor was Enlightened.

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Fabius Minarchus's avatar

Another story, this time from the future:

In the capital city of the human population on Gabal V, there was a university.

After going on a seemingly interminable binge of sheer, unrestrained solipsism, Doctor Albert W. Quimbal of the philosophy department couldn't decide on what to explain in his next lecture. It was a sticky problem, the worst since he refuted the invalidation of Zeno's paradox which proved that motion didn't exist. It even had the gall to follow him to lunch. And so, in a miracle rivaling the parting of the Red Sea, Professor Quimbal found a seat in the cavernous dome of the main cafeteria while contemplating philosophical problems without bumping into anyone else. His fellow faculty members stared in fascination out the corners of their eyes as he absently salted his milk and sliced his sandwich with knife and fork.

"Why worry about the students anyway?" he mumbled to himself. "They only exist in my mind."

As he lifted his sandwich piece with his fork he noticed the other professors turning away. "And you don't exist either!" he said aloud.

Unfortunately, his paycheck still existed, if only in his mind. He had to explain *some* great philosophical problem. But which one? He turned to his sandwich and picked it up properly. The meat inside was surrounded by two slices of bread. Two! he thought. "There is a twoness in all the universe: male and female, right and left..." Only three trays were knocked out of hands as he skipped away.

----

As has been human tradition for many years, the philosophy class was rather small. A mere 250 students sat in the class while Quimbal gave what he considered to be his best lecture.

"...so you see that there is a twoness inherent in all things. Contrast is the basis of all thought. Can there be right without wrong? Like without dislike? This twoness goes into the physical world also: action and reaction, attraction and repulsion, positive and negative, and so on. In fact this twoness is a necessary law of the universe. There is either two or nothing. Thought is based on relationship. 'One' is beyond theoretical comprehension.

"But we have a problem here. I have already proven that I am the only one who exists, and you exist only in my imagination. That would mean but one being. Thus I cannot exist either because just one thing to constitute the universe is not a thought; there must be a complement. Therefore you do not exist even in my imagination because I do not exist! Now let use see how philosophers throughout history have contemplated this idea. Even though they of course did not really exist..."

The lecture went on. The students were beginning to wish Dr. Quimbal really didn't exist in reality, at least not in their reality. After class one of the more active students shouted, "This is getting ridiculous. I say we protest. There hasn't been a protest on campus in nearly three weeks, and we haven't had a really good riot in over two months!"

"Yeah!" roared a chorus of philosophy students as they scattered to recruit demonstrators outside the philosophy department.

----

Dr. Quimbal settled into his office chair quite pleased with himself. He even considered unlocking his office door so students could come in for help. His complacency was shattered when he looked out the window to see thousands of students marching in his direction shouting: "WE WANT TO EXIST! WE WANT TO EXIST!"

They crashed into his office and carried him around the campus. Fortunately, the university managed to call in the new Runiog [TM] K-76 model galvanized androids to disperse the rioters. Being metallic, they didn't need weapons to do the job. They easily carried away the students one by one. Eventually, they got to Dr. Quimbal.

"Thank you very much," gasped the relieved professor to the android. "Hmmmmm, I wonder if you exist."

"Ho ho!" laughed the android in a metallic voice. He rapped his thorax with his fist making a resounding "bong." "I'm zinc; therefore, I exist."

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